somniphobia

by nost.

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lyrics

[sample: cолярис, 1972]

i'm drinking nyquil nightly
tried a couple other drugs but they frightened me
made it too hard to think—isn't that what i asked for?
made my eyes sting
i can't shut them
they're glass doors

closing on the days left
chewed pavement
between me and each payment
i make towards my heat, rent
and the gas which i burn to see you

when winds whip and rain spits
and runs between the drains which
take my anxious vomit out to somewhere i won't think about

like trash heaps burning
i'm high again, not learning
that letting my mind wander
is the quickest way to conjure
15 images of dying or at least losing consciousness
ironic, isn't it?
seroquel and that little death
alcohol and winter breath
my lungs and liver sick of it

awake when i shouldn’t be
a question in the black
i didn’t mind before my time
interrogate the lack

if meaning is that boulder roll
i brace my heels and soldier on

oh god i'm trying trazodone again
oh god i've lost another friend
oh god they love me all the same
oh god i want to run away

to be a cushion on a couch
a gap between the teeth
a mouse
a pebble which glitters at the bottom
of a lighthouse long forgotten

and if its all the same
before I gained
a soul and name
a mountain range

remember me
as I tried to be
a loving piece
of entropy

credits

released March 6, 2022

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nost. Edmonton, Alberta

words by jacob ulickij

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